As promised

I have noticed a recent trend of folks beginning sentences with, "As promised..."

It is awesome when people follow through with their promises.  When someone says they will provide something by a certain date and then deliver, as promised, that person's reliability quotient grows.  People who keep promises are deemed to be more reliable.  People who say they will do something and do not follow through are not as reliable.  By the way, the word "promise" does not need to be uttered in order for a promise to be made.  When someone says they will do something, it is a promise.  When someone says, "I might get around to it," it is not a promise.

Why are folks feeling the need to announce their kept promises?  Most people try to keep their promises.  We expect people to follow through with their promises.  Sometimes, it doesn't happen.  We are all human after all!  I might actually lead the way in broken promises when it comes to meeting deadlines and following through with action items that I say I will take care of!  Of course I would love to follow through with every single thing I say I will do. With the best of intentions, I want to deliver.  Sometimes I don't.

When I fail to follow through with something I say I will do, I don't mind saying, "I blew it!  I am sorry."  Admitting our failures is OK.  It recognizes that a mistake was made.

Why say, "As promised...?"  Shouldn't a kept promise simply be the expectation?

Malice, Ignorance, or Busy-ness

Tim Ferriss constantly says, "Do not attribute to malice what you can attribute to ignorance or busy-ness."

There are times we hear things that make us wonder if someone is out to get us.
"Why would she try to undermine the good work I am trying to do?"
"I've already vetted this idea with the team.  Why would she suggest such significant changes to our plan?"

Sometimes we feel ignored and we wonder why.
"Does he not care?"
"It was a simple question.  Am I not important enough for a reply?"

The next time you don't get the response you were hoping for, or perhaps you don't get a response at all, you do get to choose how you feel about it.  You can choose to feel as if the other person is purposely treating you poorly.  Or, you can choose to attribute their poor response to a lack of knowledge on his/her part, or because he/she is legitimately too busy.

Once that shift is made, your response to the situation will become more pro-active and more successful!

What do you do when someone challenges your thinking?

In conversations that become tough, fight or flight can kick in fast when a challenge is presented.  What do you do when somebody challenges your thinking?

• I argue my point because I am correct.  I like to argue
• I listen and pretend to agree because I hate conflict
• I make a joke and change the subject
• I gotta be nice, so I respond as nicely as possible.  Being nice is most important
• I exhume every mistake from my opponent's past
• I say nothing, then call my supervisor to protect me
• I say, "Yeah, no.  I hear what you're saying."
• I find one little possible reason why you are wrong and blow it out of proportion
• I talk as much as possible, as fast as possible, for as long as possible
• I don't listen because I am too busy refining my own point.  As soon as you hush, I'll talk

I must admit that I find myself wearing one or more of these badges on occasion.  I try to be better.  I constantly work on my listening skills.  I constantly seek to understand before I try to be understood.  Tough conversations make this challenging.

Which defense mechanism do you use when the conversation gets tough?  If you know which ones you use, you'll be able to overcome them.  When someone challenges your thinking and you are involved in a meaningful conversation, communicate that you are involved in the conversation.  When someone challenges your thinking, tell yourself, "Listen with your eyes, your ears, and your heart!"

Cold War

A lot of times, we avoid confrontation and say, "That isn't a battle worth fighting."

The thing is, if the disagreement is in your head and you choose not to address it, you are not actually in the battle.  You are in a state of Cold War.  Tensions build.  Relationships are frayed.  Other important efforts are avoided.  Doing nothing can last a long time.  Doing nothing is a choice.

Sometimes you end up in a battle that you had no intention of fighting.  Words were exchanged and emotions were heated.  There might even be tears.  A poorly-handled conversation does have an advantage.  The disagreement is on the table.  Even if a little storming takes place, as uncomfortable as it may be, it is better than a cold war.  Is anyone else picturing the Airing of Grievances during Festivus?

When there is tension between folks, effective communication diminishes.  Whether it is a cold war or an argument, don't let it drop!  Find a way to finish the conversation.  A popular twitter meme says, "If you have to choose between being right or being kind, choose to be kind."   If I choose to be kind rather than to be right, am I choosing to be wrong???

Ideally, you can choose to be kind and continue the important conversation until a win-win decision can be found.  Ideally, you can keep talking through your differences until a mutually agreeable answer comes to life.  Even if both parties must choose to table the conversation for another time, at least the talking started and the cold war was avoided.

A better idea?

Trying to come up with ideas to solve a problem?  A lot of times, one idea hits the table, then someone says, "Does anyone have a better idea?"

Usually, the one asking that question is simply looking for more ideas.  Unfortunately, asking for better ideas can limit other folks from giving potential solutions.  By asking for better ideas, it is implied that the first idea was a good one to start with.  It can also make folks try to decide if there idea is better than the first one or not.  When people worry about whether their idea is better or worse, they might just choose not to share it at all.

A better way to say it, "Thank you!  Does anyone have another idea?"  No judgment.  No comparison.  Simply an invitation to get more ideas on the table.  

Are our teachers ready for this?

I have invested the last two days with fellow district administrators learning and preparing for the upcoming school year.  Our district is currently experiencing a steep learning curve in many areas.  We are in the midst of implementing a new written curriculum, we have new attendance boundaries, and we are working to increase student engagement through better classroom instruction.

With each bold idea, someone asks, "Are our teachers ready for this?"

A rational question that must be considered.  However, a more important question is, "Do our students deserve this?"

Too often in education, we develop a vision for a specific facet of education.  Bringing that vision to life requires innovation and training.  It requires time and hard work.  It requires change.  Are the teachers ready for it?

Some are and some are not.  Some will love it and run ahead of the pack!  Some will drag their feet and undermine the efforts.  The mindful deliberation to determine if teachers are ready for a change initiative often causes school leaders to back away from fully implementing a worthwhile effort.  Instead, school leaders may choose to slow the change.  They may lower the expectations.  They may not do what they initially wanted to do because of the fears that the opposition from the staff will be too great.

Sometimes, these shifts in implementation make sense.  Sometimes, they do not.  When strategically planning for the implementation of something new, don't shift expectations based on the feet-draggers or the negative Nellies.  Instead, be sure to create your implementation plan for the teachers who will run with it.  Most importantly, continuously ask, "What do our kids deserve right now?"

Baby steps

So many new things are initiated with the idea that moving forward with baby steps is good!  Baby steps will eventually get us there.

The thing about babies is that they eventually grow up and take bigger steps.  They get where they are going because they have evolved into a fully-functioning adult human.  They take normal steps and have learned to leap when necessary.  In the early stages of development, baby steps can be a good start for some people to start moving forward.  If a person only ever takes baby steps, he will be left far behind and perhaps standing in a puddle.